PUSHING THROUGH FEAR

Happy Monday, friends!  Ahh…It feels so good to be back blogging.  I missed you!  In case you didn’t see Friday’s post, check it out here.

Today I wanted to share about something that I have been thinking about a lot lately: Fear. More importantly, pushing through your fears.  I will start by saying, that at least for me, pushing through my fears is often easier said than done.  It is definitely a process.

Needless to say, I’m not talking about healthy fears, like being scared of a bear, or going into soccer mom mode when you have to hit the brakes quickly while driving and throw your arm across the passenger (I can’t be the only person that does this?).  I’m talking about fears like staying in a consistently unhappy relationship (love, friendship, work-related, etc.) because it is easier than speaking up about what’s not working, or not making the next move in your career because you’re afraid of failing and not being good enough, or even not trying the yoga class that you’ve really been wanting to try but feel that you may be too fat to even try it.  Side note: These are all personal experiences that I have had in the past, which is how I know that fear shows up in so many areas of life.

Looking back, I have this huge laundry list of times that I was so fearful, that I just didn’t do something.  So many times, it’s ridiculous.  Part of me gets really frustrated at my younger-self and wants to shake her and say, “Wake the F up!  You are wasting so much time being fearful and unhappy!  This isn’t nearly as big of deal as you are making it!  YOU CAN DO IT!”  But then, I have this other part of me that knows that all of those fears were part of my process, and brought me to exactly where I am today.  And for that, I am profoundly grateful.

When I went to NYC last year for Holistic MBA Live, Stacey Morgenstern (one of the co-founders) said something that really stuck with me: “Fear is excitement on pause.”  I look at that as if the momentum of joy has just momentarily frozen in time, and is waiting for the right moment to melt and unfold.  Isn’t that such a wonderfully different way to look at fear?  I thought so!

“Fear is excitement on pause.”

Don’t get me wrong, fear still comes up for me constantly.  However, now I look at it differently.  I take a deeper look and try to recognize why it is showing up for me, and the lesson I am supposed to learn.  If the fear hasn’t subsided, I still try to push through it (sometimes this takes three minutes, sometimes this takes three months).  For example, my friend Jill and I were facilitating our Be-you-tiful YOU! workshop yesterday, and about two days before the workshop I started to get super fearful that not enough people would attend.  I kept questioning myself: What if no one shows up?  What if I have nothing important to say, and Jill has to carry the whole thing?  What if it goes chaotic and doesn’t flow?  What if, what if, what if???

Sunday morning I woke up and said to myself “Even if it’s just Jill and I, it’s going to be awesome and fun.  I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there and doing this!”  And guess what?  It was very well attended, we got great feedback, and it WAS awesome and fun!

My feeling is that even if something doesn’t go the way you planned, but you did it anyway, there is always triumph and success.  There is always an opportunity to learn and be grateful.

When is a time that you pushed through fear, and came out the other side with a great lesson? I’d love to hear!

xo.  Jen

 

LOVE IS THE ANSWER

Hi friends!  I wasn’t going to share this because, in all honestly, I thought it was a bit of a downer.  But then I remembered what an open and safe space this is, and how grateful I am when people open up and are vulnerable with me.  So here it goes.

Do you ever have those days where the weight of the world seems to be on your shoulders and in your heart?  Like no matter what you do, how much you volunteer, or what you give will ever be enough to heal the world?  I know, rather large expectations, but I’ve never been one to “think small.”

Over the course of the last few weeks I have cried more than I have had in a while (I am currently crying, as I am writing about crying–OY).  Sure, some of the tears shed were while watching a movie, but most of them were for real, tragic, and sad things.  Such as the reality that people I love and care about going through heartbreaking situations, like cancer and other awful diseases.  Or that I just happen to “stumble upon” websites and organizations that share how there are a countless number of animals (dogs in particular) on the streets or in shelters, and many of them wont get a forever home, and sadly will be sent to their forever-forever home. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the mixture of confusion and utter sadness I feel when I hear certain pseudo politicians speak about their presidential campaigns and the intentions they plan to execute once in office.

I finally got to the point where I couldn’t think about any of this anymore, and just started to meditate/pray.  These were the questions that I went into meditation with: What do we do when we feel this way?  How can we cope when we want answers to the unexplained?  How can we take action?  Side note: I say “we” because we’re all in this (life) together.

This was the answer I got to all three questions: LOVE.

Those four little letters were my answer to all three questions.  And isn’t that how it usually is? Isn’t love the common equalizer between all of us?  We are all capable of loving, and we are all capable of loving past our comfort zone too.  Loving strangers by giving a smile, loving our partners by spending more quality time with them, loving our bodies and treating them with kindness and respect,  loving people and circumstances we don’t understand and meeting them with a compassionate heart.

While I may have wanted an answer that would immediately solve the sadness I was experiencing (like sell all of our worldly possessions, buy a huge plot of land, and adopt every animal that needed a home), I’m pretty happy with the answer I received.

Don’t get me wrong, I will keep doing, keep volunteering, and keep giving.  But most importantly, I will keep loving, because there is always room for more love.

xo. Jen

FEELING FULL OF FEELINGS

Good morning!  Do you ever have those weekends where you do so much, but really nothing at all?  That was the type of weekend I had.  As I am reflecting over the past few days, I feel so full. So full of gratitude and joy, so full of compassion and empathy, so full I could actually burst into tears, and have a few times.

I don’t really feel the want to do a complete weekend recap, but simply to express how full I feel.  I am definitely one of those people that “feel all the feelings,” and while in the past I tried to hide my sensitivity and emotions, I now embrace them.  It feels so much more authentic that way.

Anyway, my weekend was spent with family and friends, some of whom I haven’t seen in years. It felt wonderful to connect and have conversations that we normally may not have had if certain circumstances hadn’t come up.  It was great to be of support to one another, and know that love is a bond that we all have in common.

It was joyous and fun to frolic at the beach with the dogs, and realize that nothing but the present moment matters.  Any stress dissipated, and all that I felt was joy.  Dogs and the ocean do it for me every time!

While at church on Sunday, I felt an immense amount of gratitude and connection.  The community at our center is less like group of people that comes together on Sunday, and more like a giant family that connects with one another throughout the week and on Sunday. The music was beautiful, the message was phenomenal, and the connection was so loving. Really grateful for our church!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend doing whatever it is that brings you happiness!  Leaving you with the affirmation above for the week, and sending you all lots of love!

xo.  Jen

30 THINGS I’VE LEARNED BEFORE 30

Happy Monday!  Guess what?!  I’m 30 years old today!  30!!!  That feels like such a grown-up age to me.  No, I’m not one of those people that think 30 is old, nor am I someone that doesn’t celebrate my birthday.  Can you tell? Ha!  I LOVE birthdays!  Yours, mine, and ours!  An entire day (or month, the older I get) dedicated to celebrating the fact that you are alive?  I’m in!

Anyway, with all this new-found wisdom (I kid, I kid), I thought it would be fun to compile a list of 30 things I have learned up until this age.  I certainly don’t know it all, but I do know a few things to be true (for me, from my own experience)  and thought I would share them.  I know I will continue to learn and grow, and that is so exciting to me!

30 THINGS I’VE LEARNED BEFORE 30

1. Everything happens for a reason, my friends.  Also, it’s helpful to remember: what goes around, comes around.
2. While we may be equal, men and women are different.
3. Finding a spiritual practice that you connect with is enlightening in and of itself.  Whether you’re part of an organized religion or you’re an atheist, you can still have a spiritual practice that works for you.
4. Moisturizing your skin really does make a difference.
5. Never stop learning.  Education is beyond the classroom, and knowledge is timeless.
6. Relationships of all kinds take work, and are completely worth it.  However, that doesn’t mean they need to be difficult.
7. Don’t let your past dictate your future.  Be grateful for the lesson, and move on.
8. Quality > quantity.  Those Forever 21 dresses may be cute for a few wears, but a classic LBD will last for years.  This goes for just about everything in life.
9. The older you get, the more you appreciate your parents.
10. Worrying doesn’t help an already seemingly negative situation.  In fact, the situation most likely isn’t as bad as you think it is in the first place.
11. Listen to the advice of others, but always do what feels best in your heart.
12. Tests, quizzes, and grades do not determine your success.
13. Our thoughts and words create our reality.  Choose wisely.
14. Drinking a glass of water in between alcoholic beverages works wonders.
15. Forgiveness does much more for yourself than it does for others.
16. Travel as often and as much as you possibly can.  There are so many beautiful places in the world, and they are filled when even more beautiful people.
17. Don’t put up with people that don’t value your worth.  Period.
18. Give of yourself.  Like attracts like, goodness attracts more goodness.  Volunteer, donate, etc.  It isn’t about money, it’s about intention.  Kindness counts.
19. Invest in yourself: mind, body, and spirit.  You’re worth it!
20. Diets don’t work.  Listening to your body does.  P.S. If you don’t love yourself at a size 16, you’re not going to love yourself at a size 2.
21. If you like something about someone else, tell them!  Whether it is their shoes, the way they smile, their sense of humor, whatever.  People like compliments!
22. Be present.  Show up in life.  Do the work.  Live fully.
23. Figure out what your partner likes, and do more of it.  That can be interpreted many ways, but the main essence is that love languages are indeed real.
24. You always look better in photos than you actually think.  Trust me.  Look at photos from when you thought you looked “ugly, fat, skinny, etc.”  You were gorgeous.  You still are!
25. It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do with your life.  I’ll let you in on a little secret: most people don’t.  With that being said, try new things until you figure out what you enjoy.  You can never have too many tools in your tool belt.
26. Just because you don’t agree with someone and their beliefs, doesn’t mean you can’t have respect for one another.
27. People come in and out of our lives for a purpose.  Sometimes they are there forever, other times it is only for a brief encounter.  Cherish those moments.
28. Keep in contact with your siblings.  They may even turn out to your best friends.
29. Move your body!  You don’t need to run a marathon or become a world class gymnast, simply stretch or take a walk.  Your body is magnificent, and you’ll be thankful when you’re older.
30. Most importantly, LOVE.  Love yourself, love others, just love.  It’s the greatest gift you can give and receive.

Thank you for taking the time to spend my birthday with me!  What is something that YOU have learned in life that you want others to know, too?  Please share!

xo.  Jen

FIVE FRIDAY FAVORITES: NUMBER 3

Happy Friday, friends!  The past few weeks I have been having fun sharing a few of my recent favorites with you.  We’re on to round three now!

1. Sweet potatoes for breakfast!  I’ve always loved sweet potatoes, but last Sunday I roasted like 6 lbs. of them (super simple: clean, chop, add a little olive oil & seasoning, cook for 40 mins at 400°), and had them almost every day for breakfast this week.  They are great with eggs, avocado, greens, and just about anything else that sounds good.  YUM!
2. This essential oil diffuser!  It works great, diffuses my oils beautifully, and is super reasonably priced.
3. Listening to reggae music while I work.  Put’s me in the best mood, but I can still concentrate on what I am working on.
4. Afternoon coffee.  Twice this week I skipped my morning coffee (simply because I felt like having extra lemon water), and had it in the afternoon instead.  I didn’t miss it in the morning, and it felt like a fun treat in the afternoon to go to Starbucks.
5. Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy and Joyful Relationship with Food by Jan Chozen Bays, MD.  I picked this book up last weekend for some further education, and have been really enjoying it!

What have YOU been loving lately?  I’d love to hear!

Have a wonderful weekend!

xo.  Jen

CREATIVITY, MAGIC, FEAR, & SELF-WORTH

Hi beauties!  I’ve mentioned a few times that I have been reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and gosh do I love it.  I imagine that Ms. Gilbert talks an awful lot like she writes, which I absolutely love.  She’s authentic and vulnerable and creative.  Which is exactly what the book is about: creative living beyond fear.  Doesn’t that just sound magical?

I wanted to share one of my favorite parts of the book thus far with you (don’t worry, I’m not giving anything major away).  Gilbert writes about living creatively at any age, and shares a story about a close friend of hers.  Her friend excelled at and loved figure skating as a child, but stopped when she was an adolescent with fear of not being a champion, AKA not good enough. Gilbert says, “Ah, lovely adolescence–when the ‘talented’ are officially shunted off from the herd, thus putting the total burden of society’s creative dreams on the thin shoulders of a few select souls, while condemning everyone else to live a more commonplace, inspiration-free existence!  What a system…”  While she says this with a hint of sarcastic humor, how true is this for so many?  Unfortunately, it was very true for me.  Thankfully, I finally exited that phase of low self-esteem and worthiness issues, but, just like most humans, I feel twinges of it occasionally.  The difference now is that I have the tools to deal with those feelings, and that’s what I want to get into today.

WHERE THE DO FEELINGS OF UNWORTHINESS COME FROM?

Well, that’s a pretty loaded question, and it is completely different for everyone.  In the spirit of transparency (and major vulnerability) I am going to share mine, because chances are someone will connect with it on some level.  Mine started when I was about 12.  I was uprooted out of my comfort zone, moved to a new town, started a new school, and was forced to meet new people.  In retrospect, I am very grateful for this (and absolutely do NOT blame my parents on any level), but at the time it sucked.  The middle-school years are when children are learning, growing, and figuring out who they are and how they fit into the world, and THEN hormones are thrown in on top of it.  I felt the need to shy away at what I was passionate about (and good at) in fear of what others would think about me.  I didn’t speak up, in fact my voice was less heard.  On top of all that, my body was changing.  I have curves by nature (which I now love), but at that time it was just awkward.  As you can imagine, fear ran it’s ugly little head and my worth started to diminish.  This basically went on for the next 13ish years…

HOW CAN WE TRANSFORM UNWORTHINESS TO KNOWING OUR WORTH?

I truly wish I could wave a magic wand and tell you that this can happen in seconds, but the truth is, it’s a process.  A process that is different and deep for everyone.  Here are a few different ways that guided and assisted me on my own path:

• Try to figure out the root of where these feelings are stemming from, and go from there.  Things that helped me along the process: journaling, talking to those close to me, finding a spiritual community that I connected with (this was HUGE for me), and practicing self-care.
• Recognize your fears, and ask yourself why you are afraid.  There is no judgement in being fearful, but sometimes honoring why you are feeling that way is the first step in release.
• Be gentle with yourself.  In my opinion, this is most important.  As a society we have such a tendency to want immediate gratification, that we tend to forget that life is a process.  Be gentle with yourself throughout the process.

As you can see, this book has sparked a lot of inspiration and creativity within me, and I highly recommend it.  I hope this post was helpful for you, and if there is any way that I can be of support to you, please reach out.  I’d love to chat!

xo.  Jen

 

BALANCE VS. EXTREME

Hi friends!  Jumping right in today…

I feel like so many people that I come into contact with have an “all or nothing” mentality when it comes to how they take care of their mind and body.  Maybe I recognize it because it was something that I dealt with heavily in the past, and I can only imagine the emotional weight that may be on their heart?  Maybe it’s because now I know how good it feels to be in balance, and I couldn’t imagine going back?  Either way, today I am here to chat about the differences between balance and extreme.

This is what EXTREME looks, feels, sounds, and tastes like to me.  I say to me, because this is all from past personal experience.  Everyone’s experience is different.

• I’m going to be 100% vegan, gluten-free, low-sugar, and Ayurvedic ALL AT THE SAME TIME!  No cheese, no caffeine, no sourdough, no alcohol, no eggs, no fun, only kale.
• I don’t have X amount of followers on Instagram so I must be a total loser.
• That chocolate cake looks heavenly, but I can’t eat it because it must have 3956310 calories.  Oh, that’s okay, I’ll eat it anyway and run six miles tomorrow to make up for it.
• If I am not as enlightened as Deepak Chopra and Oprah combined, then I am doomed for failure.
• Fainting spells due to my body being in starvation mode.
• The “Fuck It” mentality.  IE: “Fuck it, I had a hard day at work and deserve that huge plate of nachos and 7 margaritas!”  When later you are guilt ridden, bloated, and left with a nasty hangover.

This is what BALANCE looks, feels, sounds, and tastes like to me.  I say to me, because this is all from current personal experience.  Again, everyone’s experience is different.

• Intuitive eating.  Most times that naturally looks vegan, gluten-free, low-sugar, and Ayurvedic, but other times it looks like pizza and beer.  Yay for choices!
• Knowing that the people I connect with in business and in my personal life are there for a reason.
• Chocolate cake can be delicious!  Especially when mindful about it.
• Enlightenment is not a destination, it’s a journey.  Not sure if I heard that somewhere or made it up, but it really resonates with me.
• Listening to my body rocks!  I nourish her with yummy foods, and treat her with kindness.  Oh ya, I haven’t fainted since!
• There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating nachos and drinking margaritas. However, taking into consideration why you’re doing something is super important.

We all have a tendency to go to the extreme in some situations, and that’s totally okay.  We are human after all!  The difference is recognizing why it may be occurring, and coming back to center.  If balance is something that you want more of in your life I encourage you to make a list of all the things you want to feel and experience.  Sometimes writing it down, letting it out, and recognizing what we really do what can do wonders.

If you are ready for transformation and want to have a more balanced approach in life, I have two remaining coaching spots available for the month of February, and would love to provide you with a consultation.  I am here to support you in whatever way feels right to you, and can’t wait to talk!

xo.  Jen

MORE JOY, LESS BLAH

Happy Friday, friends!  Do you ever feel like you’re just in a funk?  Not necessarily in a “bad” mood, but just more feeling blah?  I felt like that the other day, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to share a few ways I like to experience more joy, and less blah.

Side note: I feel like it is really important to feel your feelings, and tap into what is really going on.  It’s one thing to need to delve deep and become introspective, and another to have a pick-me-up.  This list is for the latter.

GET OUTSIDE

This is definitely my go-to!  Whether it is going for a walk, taking a hike with a friend, or simply stepping outside for some fresh air, nature has a way of naturally perking you up.

SELF-CARE

We all know I am a huge proponent of self-care!  Some of my faves are: an at home spa session (manicure, facial, exfoliation, etc.), reading light material, getting a massage, meditating, simply sitting still and letting my mind wander.  Whatever you do, do it with love and care.

BE CREATIVE

Creativity is one of the most fun ways to experience joy.  Often times people correlate creativity with being an artist, and while yes, that is definitely a form of creativity, it’s not the only one.  For me, getting in the kitchen and cooking something nourishing is one of my favorite ways of expressing creativity.

CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF

Most importantly, check in with yourself.  Do you need more sleep?  Are you listening to your body?  Often times this will determine what I was talking about in the side note, too.

I hope this list was helpful for you.  What do you like to do experience more joy and less blah? I’d love to hear your tips!

xo.  Jen

SETTING BOUNDARIES

Hi friends!  I have something on my heart that makes me feel very vulnerable.  To be honest, I wasn’t going to share it, but then I realized that this is such a beautiful safe place, and I needed to.  So here it goes…

Story time: Over the weekend Greg and I were wandering around Target, when all of a sudden I receive a phone call.  I just purchased a new phone about 20 minutes prior and hadn’t synced my contacts yet, so when the number popped up, there was no name and I didn’t recognize it right away.  When I finally realized who was calling, I had already pressed “answer.”  It was someone from my past; someone whom currently isn’t in my life for one reason or another. Suddenly, with one “hello,” all of these feelings and emotions started coming up.  Their behavior hadn’t changed, and I found myself feeling guilt, sadness, and complete nausea (again, reminiscent of the past).  In the middle of the linens isle, I was shaking and about to cry, all while being completely pissed off.  Not at this person I was having a conversation with, at myself. Why didn’t I clearly communicate all of my thoughts and feelings before?  Why aren’t they hearing me now?  How could I have let this person walk all over me?  Why am I allowing this behavior to happen again?  Why have I not set boundaries with this person?  More on this in a minute…

When I was going through my four year training to become a spiritual practitioner (yes, even as a licensed spiritual practitioner and certified health coach, I still have fun stuff like this come up for me) we discussed the importance of setting boundaries in length.  Whether it’s with our self, partner, family, friends, or colleagues, we are all constantly in relationship, and in relationships, boundaries come up.

Before we get further into boundaries, I want you all to know that I believe each and every person that enters our lives is there for a reason.  Some people may be in my life forever, and some may only be there a brief time.  I can say with all my heart that I have learned and experienced personal growth from all of them (even if I didn’t want to at the time).  Totally okay if you don’t agree with this, but it’s something that I have learned to accept and embrace over time.

So, what are some ways we can set healthy boundaries?

• One of the most brilliant pieces of advice I have ever received was from a friend and mentor: “Sometimes saying no to others, means saying yes to yourself.”  I mean, WOW!  I remember this in the most simple situations to the most complicated circumstances.  This is not being selfish, it is simply taking care of ourselves.
• Other people’s feelings and needs are no more important than my own.  I’ve written about this before, but in order to love and care for others, we must love and care for ourselves first.  This doesn’t mean that the other person isn’t worthy of receiving, it just means that you do too.
• Identify and speak-up.  Whether it’s something inappropriate that was said or you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, recognizing what you don’t like and bringing it up in a reasonable matter with the other person in a great first step.  Also, often times, the other party may not even realize what they are doing in the first place, and this can be a gentle way to bring it to their attention.

You may be wondering how the rest of that conversation went.  Well, I ended the call by simply saying something along the lines of, “I wish you the best, but this isn’t a conversation and relationship I want to have.  Take care.”  Seems a little blunt, but it was necessary.  It wasn’t easy, and my stomach felt uneasy afterwards. But, after that settled, I realized I made the best decision for me, and in the end, that’s what is most important.

xo.  Jen

 

WELCOME 2016!

Happy New Year, beauties!  How is 2016 going for you so far?  If I could describe the start of my year in a few words, it would be purposeful and cozy.  I spent lots of time at home with my boys…reading, relaxing, organizing, PLANNING (with my new Danielle LaPorte planner, which I loveeee), creating a vision board (more on that later), and just doing whatever felt good to us.  It was great!

Over the weekend we saw family for a short time, and that was also really fun.  While with them, we wandered around, and during that time I stumbled across this giant phrase printed on the ground in one of my favorite shops.   YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.  Ahh…this was so perfect for me, and exactly what I needed to hear at the start of a brand new year!  Does anyone else connect with this statement, too?

Do you ever feel like at times you are needing to do something else, or be someone different? Maybe it’s eating a specific type of diet, making more money at work, losing weight, looking a certain way,  gaining more Instagram followers, or something else?  Whatever it is, I’m giving you all the opportunity to step back, and look at the situation differently.  When I did that, this is what came up for me: worry less, do more of what feels good, stop comparing myself to others, and go into all situations with a loving, grateful heart.  Those statements feel much more authentic, and also much more in the moment, rather than needing to be something else.

If you’d like to share, I’d love to hear what came up for you?  Also, if I can be of support to you in any way, please reach out for a complimentary consultation.  I’d love to connect and chat with you!

Sending you all lots of love for a beautiful 2016!

xo.  Jen